Coy Tapley: You and him need to sit down and talk, like many others said here. If his father is in his life, it's time for him to step in; if he is not in his life, then its up to you. Assure him the masturbation is normal and being naked in his own room is natural as well. These actions and feelings were not wrong at his age. Apologize for not knocking, and tell him it won't happen again. What I would address is the pornography. Whether it's you or his father, someone needs to explain to him that material like that is not acceptable, and is not how real life is. I would not allow any such material in my house as a matter of respect, but that is your call. It sounds like he is curious about the opposite sex and his own sexuality and needs strong parental guidance in his life right now, not dirty imagery from an unknown source on a computer screen. Take this opportunity to talk openly to him about this. He is 13, but he is still a child when it comes to this, he is in new ! territory with his own body and new feelings he's never felt before. Teach him correctly now. Don't discourage his sexuality, but guide him through it.Talk about masturbation, and sex,and urges. You need to be there for him and he needs to be able to confide in you on this. These are natural human emotions. Do not leave his sexual education to the internet....Show more
Dorinda Metzer: Having neither a son nor a 13 year old, I am going to say first take whatever I say with a grain of salt, because obviously, I am not an expert.I think your first mistake was to enter without knocking. 13 is a delicate age for boys and girls alike and they do deserve a certain bit of respect for their privacy. My kids are both under 7, but as soon as they moved into big girl beds, I began knocking to let them know that their room was their sanctuary and they didnt have to worry about me and my husband entering without their permission. Obviously, they dont know that we are showing them ! this respect at this age, but as they grow they will begin to ! realize this and appreciate it. I know that as a teen I always appreciated that my room was my own personal space, and I think all children deserve this bit of respect of their personal space.Of course, after this incident, I am sure you will never enter without knocking first, so just take it as a lesson learned at this point.As for dealing with your son, I can not imagine how you are both feeling, embarrassment must be the tip of the iceberg, BUT, I think your second mistake was running away. Because you did that, there is a distinct possiblity that you have not only embarrassed your son, but also made him feel ashamed of what was a completely natural 13 year old thing to be doing. You should have excused yourself, closed the door and given him a moment to get dressed then knocked again and asked if you could speak to him. By running away and prolonging this you are making the situation worse and way more stressful for the both of you because you both are just stewing abo! ut what happened.Speak to him about it, be mature and not harpy. Start off with an apology for enetring without knocking and let him know that you wont be doing that again. Kind of make it lighthearted, by saying that although neither of you can take back that moment, he is guaranteed that it wont happen again. I wouldnt suggest addressing the subject directly by saying " this is normal for a 13 year old" I am sure he doesnt want to talk about it, especially with you, so just let him know that you will both be ok and you can both move on.Good luck....Show more
Tawny Grosskreutz: I just came home from grocery shopping and I was dropping everything off when I heard some moaning coming from my 13 year old son's room, and I wondered what it was, so I opened the door and caught my son looking at porn and he was completely naked and jerking off! He looked at me, shut down the internet, screamed and covered himself with a blanket and I quickly ran away and I blushed, I was s! o embarrassed, I haven't seen my son nude since he started kindergarten! ! My son is embarrassed also, and now he is crying on his bed, what should I do now? Me and my son are both embarrassed about it, I try to get this off my mind like nothing happened, but it won't work, what should I do?...Show more
Ronnie Panas: No!! No, no, no, no, no!!! I would be EXTREMELY mad if my kid was dating behind my back, no matter what age. But 11 year olds are WAY to young to date. I say at least age 13. Why waste childhood on boys?
Refugio Gastineau: Talk, talk, talk to him about what happened. Tell him that it's normal for boys his age to do exactly what he did. Apologize for walking in on him. Promise to respect his privacy in the future. Then, move the computer out of his room and into the living room. You don't want him to use porn as his stimulant. Porn is not healthy for him, or anyone, because it's not really what happens between a man and a woman. You want your son to grow up with realistic views about women and sex. Tell him you're! moving the computer out of his room for his benefit, because porn is not healthy. Using porn can, and sometimes does, turn into an addiction. If you don't want to take a chance on your son becoming addicted, then move the computer out of his room and into a public place....Show more
Jen Maday: You have to start by explaining what the routine is, and what is expected of her. Get her input on how she would like to have her bed time routine taken care of, and then do this every night. She may want to have a story, maybe some quiet songs, or just some time to talk over the day and snuggle with you, but what ever you choose to do with her, this has to be done every night at the same time. What ever you chose to do, make sure that you do not have any electronics involved as a means of keeping her in her room or getting her settled down to sleep. Computers, tv's and stereos will cause more harm then good for a child at night.When you start this routine, it won't be easy, ! and I am sorry to say, it is going to involve a lot of your time as you! will need to be there to inforce it. Once you have said your good nights, tell her she is now to stay in her bed and turn off the light. Sit in her room in a chair (not on her bed) and just monitor her actions. Don't talk, answer questions, get snacks or drinks, just be there for when she gets up. Go get her and silently put her back to bed and sit down again. She will be a mess the first few nights, but she will learn how to self-soothe and wind herself down, and with consistancy, she will come to the understanding that she will not get her way, and the routine will eventually take hold and be a natural part of her night. Soon you will be needed less and less to put her back, and after a while she will be able to do this all herself. This is what we had to do with our little boy, and for about a week he was very upset, but soon enough his upsets (and there were many of them) would tire him out and he would sleep, and after a while he was sleeping through the night. If she! comes in your room afterward do not let her stay there, just silently take her back to her room....Show more
Carter Dewater: Huh? If you find it normal to open his door without knocking, how can you possibly have not seen him naked for almost a decade?As to what you should do, you should have the computer in a public area, you should install appropriate software on it so he can't access porn sites, you should TELL him not to access porn sites, and you should check regularly that he isn't doing so....Show more
Willis Liburd: no they need to focus on school work and friends and family boy dont come till high school and i would kill my daughter if she dated behind my back
Emile Okafor: Yikes!!! I agree with everyone who has said it is normal and apologize for walking in without knocking first. Sometimes we have to be the grown-up, even if we are not ready to do so. Let him know it is natural. If his father is in the picture, this might be a good place for hi! m to step in. If his father is not available, maybe a close uncle or gr! andfather. I think a good male influence could help the situation. Otherwise, apologize for not knocking, let him know it is natural (if another male is not available this might be a good time to broach the "sex talk" or elaborate on it). ...Show more
Tyler Burkman: I had the same issue with my daughter at that age. I started getting her up earlier and earlier until finally she WANTED to go to bed at the appropriate time. Granted, its a pain for a while to get up earlier and earlier to wake her, but its a huge pay off in the end!
Enriqueta Steffen: If my 11 year old was dating behind my back she would never see the light of day ever again. Eleven years is far too young and immature as well as irresponsible for dating.
Season Confalone: My 7 yr old daughter refuses to go to sleep at night. I put her into bed at 730 and she is awake and in and out of bed until 1000-1100 at night. When she does fall asleep she wakes up and comes into my bed. I've tried ! punishment and rewarding her. Nothing seems to help. Please I need help!
Jeannine Vassie: NO!!!!!!!!I would not let my 11 year old date.
Gene Debell: She may not be tired at 730pm, and a 7 yr old does not need 11 1/2 hours of sleep. My 3 year old goes to bed at 830pm and is awake at 630am. He very rarely takes a nap during the day anymore. When I put him is his bedroom early it's because I need some quiet time, not because he is tired. Try putting he to bed alittle later, and if she wakes up and comes into your bed take her back to her own bed. Do this is many times as is needed to get her to sleep in her own bed.http://kidshealth.org/parent/general/sleep/sleep.h...''Kids ages 6 to 9 need about 10 hours of sleep a night. Bedtime difficulties can arise at this age from a child's need for private time with parents, without siblings around. Try to make a little private time just before bedtime and use it to share confidences and have small discussions, which will ! also prepare your child for sleep.Children ages 10 to 12 need a little ! over 9 hours of shuteye a night. But it's up to parents to judge the exact amount of rest their children need and see that they're in bed in time for sufficient sleep.Lack of sleep for kids can cause irritable or hyper types of behavior and can also make a condition like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) worse.''
Coralie Goldsberry: Only an idiot would let their 11 yr old date.I hit puberty at 11 and if I had had the chance, I probably would have made a baby at the age of 11.It happens though,and with girls dropping their panties for guysleft and right now, if the 11 yr old boy is hot, he will be making you a grandmother soon.if it is the girl,she will be making you a grandmother soon.Once kids hit puberty, their hormones kick in, they get horny and they get stupid when it comes to the heat of the moment.18 is a fine age.By the way ANY 11 yr old who is able to date behind their parents backs, must have parents who are either really really stupid AND /OR ! lazy....Show more
Mitsuko Manne: Truthfully, I think the first thing you should do is apologise for walking into his room without knocking! He is 13 now, so should be allowed more privacy and the courtesy of a knock on the door. He was in his room with the door shut so it shouldn't be a big deal, I'm sure he knows it is an in your own room or the bathroom thing. Masturbation is normal & he's probably learnt some stuff in school anyway. I would have a chat with him, apologise for walking in without warning, let him know that it's OK. Personally, I would be not ok with the internet porn part though, and would let him know that, and put something on the computer to restrict access to it - apart from anything else, half of those sites will put some nasty viruses on your computer! ...Show more
Dick Maisenbacher: because I was in The Marines Corp and there this bully who picks on my son. taught hand to hand combat and how to shoot a gun. But this punk keep telling hi! m mad stuff! I told him if he lays a finger on you kick his A$@. For ev! ery special event at his school I make him A woodland camo suit or his dress blue uniform. But this punk laid a finger on my kid and he went off on this punk. The bully ran home crying saying my kid started it.So is it good to taunt a bully?
Kenneth Thuesen: sure. most of the time when its young like that its just a short, 3 day thing, maybe a first kiss... holding hands sort of thing.It a puppy love not a serious relationship. I dont see anything wrong with it.
Dalila Yoon: My daughter is 11 and there is no way I would ever let her date. That is way to young!! And yes i would be mad if she did it behind my back!
Idell Mulliniks: When I was 11 I i was allowed to date!
Devon Kalberer: OMG!! I would have died. Next time, just *listen* at the door and don't come in. Just leave for awhile. Next, put a parental control on the naughty websites. You should have done that a long time ago.Now for the difficult part. Don't pretend it didn't happen becaus! e then it will be awkward for the both of you forever. Just go talk to him about it. Say that you are sorry you invaded his privacy and you will always knock on his door. Say what he did wasn't wrong, and you feel terrible about walking in on him. After you apologize for that, tell him that porn is something he should not be looking at at his age, and you will have to block the site....Show more
Katheryn Skrobacki: yes i would let my 11 year old date but have the talk with him or her and i would maybe be a little upset more annoyed but get info from ur child don't be the parent that won't let them date cause he or she will just do it behind ur back and not listen to u that is my advice for u
Terrell Lawman: I have an 11 year old, and I say NO WAY.However, she has a friend, also 11 that -is- allowed to date. This girls 'boyfriend' is 12 or 13 and her Mom drops them off at the movies, they kiss and hold hands, he bought her a necklace as a gift, he calls he! r on the phone all the time. YIKES says the Mom in me.Not happening in! my house. Not for a few more years....Show more
Lyndon Mattas: Date when you're 11yrs old is hell no!Thats too young. Imagine the responsibility behind all actions, especially when it's like the girl being pregnant and both are young. I know some religion do not allow 'abortion'... So hence, it's like kid giving birth to baby! At the end of the day, it's the parents who have to take care of their children's child!Gone were the days when everything is so simple. Maybe the person who's 11 can wait? Or so! Bring that person home and you can spend time together, watching a movie - rent a DVD, or do homework or project together IN THE LIVING ROOM not in the BEDROOM!!! ...Show more
Vickie Clampett: I would let her date to avoid dating behind my backk. && its not like shes haviing sex.
Mildred Pombo: If I was you, I wouldn't make the topic "so serious" . Yes, you should have knocked first, but that bridge has already been crossed. I recommend talking to him a! nd just laughing it off... saying.. "haha yeah it happens, and everyone does it... it isn't a big deal, but I don't want you looking at porn in the house because it can cause your computer to have viruses". You don't want to let him think that this is such a serious topic, and therefore possibly making him nervous or scaring him, because it isn't that serious.. I mean, we all agree that everyone does it, especially males... so why does the talk need to be so serious? Laugh it off with him and ease his mind, with a "sh*t happens" attitude... It would help if a male talked to him about this, but if one isn't in the picture, then it's in your hands.It helped me through embarrassing situations... laughing about it instead of feeling bad and awkward. Also tell him to lock is door next time.I also agree with everyone else that the computer shouldn't be in his room....Show more
Oswaldo Rayburn: No. There's no reason to taunt and thus invite violence. Unless you're actua! lly in danger of genuine physical harm, there's never a reason to fight! . I'm not saying that you shouldn't stand up for yourself. I'm definitely not saying to go run and grab a teacher and tattle, but as long as you're confident and comfortable with yourself, fighting on the playground doesn't accomplish anything.Yes, everyone will come to a limit at which point something needs to be done. But taunting a bully? No, that's absolutely unnecessary....Show more
Shad Bushweller: are you kidding me verta ?????????? come on really now ........get a life!!!! what a lame question to ask thats about as dumb as asking if a 98 yr old lady should have a baby. NO NO NO
Joie Libutti: When 11 year olds date, their "dates" are usually considered a walk to the store or maybe a movie with all their friends.But you see wild 11 year old parents on Maury every once in awhile too so it depends.Most cases, I would say harmless lol. p.s are you the 11 year old because it doesn't sound like an adult talking.Also, for those that are saying that parents s! hould know where their children are and who they're with...what do you do? Follow them around school? honestlyy people....Show more
Randall Twehous: NO that is way too young! And yes i would be mad if they were dating behind my back.
Tosha Tawney: As soon as she comes to your room, lead her back to her own bed. Don't talk about it - just quietly put her back in her bed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat....Don't give up. She will test you - but you can do it!
Davida Gisriel: yes if it was to the movies etc during the day
Providencia Jalbert: If my 11yr old dated behind my back,she'd be eating her dinner standing up...
Joaquin Dronko: My 7 yr old daughter refuses to go to sleep at night. I put her into bed at 730 and she is awake and in and out of bed until 1000-1100 at night. When she does fall asleep she wakes up and comes into my bed. She wakes up at 7am for school and I also have a hard time waking her. I've tried punishment and rewarding her. ! Nothing seems to help. Please I need help!
Dana Russian: No as to! letting her date(or him,but I have all daughters) and yes I would be really mad if they were doin it behind my back. 11 yr olds should not even be thinking about going out with the opposite sex.
Byron Fortmann: Absolutely not! And if my child was dating behind my back, they would be grounded to the house.
Ilana Gaster: What time do you awake in the morning? A 7 year old does not need a TREMENDOUS amount of sleep. Maybe try putting her to bed a little bit later. Also, be clear on what the punishments are, try telling her before bedtime what the punishment is and make it something relative to sleeping.
Edwina Fu: I promise you my 11 year old(she actually just turned 12 a few days ago) will not be dating anytime soon. Not as long as I can help it. My daughter just turned 12 and she's still at the stage where she likes boys(mostly like the Jonas Brothers and those boys from that Zack and Cody show, lol) but she still finds them "icky." But, ya I would be pret! ty upset if she was dating behind my back. What parent wouldnt? I get mad when my 16 and 14 year olds do stuff behind my back....Show more
Wilbert Shellgren: dont sweat it, it's normal for his age
Porfirio Gartland: Well, eleven years-old is a bit young, but you're the parent. It's up to you. Quite honestly I'm 18+ now, and I haven't even had a first kiss. It's not a childhood necessity as far as I'm concerned.
Patricia Dornbos: You should go in and talk to him. Let him know that it is a normal thing to do when you are a young boy. Ask him if he has any questions about Sex and how it all works. Its important for him to know its ok. There is nothing wrong with being nude. Good luck
Alisia Sutphen: it all depends. First of all, you have to be able to trust your kid. Make sure you can trust your son/daughter. Then, once they start dating, they should let you know about it, and have you meet their boyfriend/girlfriend so you know they're a good kid! . It all depends in your trust, but I definately believe 11 year olds d! eserve to date.
Hilde Heskett: yea i would let them date just tell them about sex,protection,and consequences of it.it is fine for them to if you do that yea i would be disappointed.
Dexter Dicostanzo: I think that it would be irresponsible to let anyone under 16 date, our kids grow up too fast as it is. As for dating behind their parents at 11 parents should know where their kids are and who they are spending time with.
Kandi Lough: No, I would not let my 11 year old date, and yes, I would be mad if she was dating behind my back.For 11 year olds to be dating is silly
Ronny Dorge: I think you should put some lack or something to the internet. I don't know what you called but you can find out calling the internet so he can not ge through to the to the porn section. Also you can tell him, if he wants to do that he should lack himself in the bathroom in private, otherwise you would get rid of the internet, since he may get addicted to this kind of be! havior. He probably had been doing this for a long time, but he is ashamed now since you found it.
Garrett Detone: I would not let my 11 year old date, not even on a group date. I'd make her wait another 2 or 3 years or so, depending on her maturity. Regardless, she might think she is "dating" someone, and you really can't get it through her head about how serious it is or not, because she won't listen.
Marquetta Gimm: try sleeping in her bed with her until she falls alseep, then leave once she goes in deep sleep. keep doing this and slowly leave erlier and erlier, it worked for my parents :)
No comments:
Post a Comment